You are a few months into your pregnancy. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions.  You’ve told all your friends and family members.  The Pinterest board is filled with baby room ideas.  Your online shopping bag is full of the most adorable newborn clothing, and your Instagram feed has way more mommies and babies than it used to have.  Now, you have decided that you want a birthing doula, but how do you go about picking the right one for you?

For me, it all comes down to 3 things:

1. Security

More specifically, emotional security.  When you go into labour, the last thing you want to worry about is whether your doula really understands what it is that you need.

You should be able to share your birthing hopes and fears with your doula without feeling judged or insecure.  Do you want to give birth in the hospital, or do you dream of a homebirth? Should it be a medication-free birth or do you prefer getting an epidural or a cesarean? Do you want to give birth lying down or standing up?  It doesn’t matter what your answer is to any of these, a doula that is the right fit for you will support you in your choice while also giving you the best advice she has for your specific situation.

2. Trust 

Your doula should have your best interest at heart. You should feel comfortable with the advice she is giving you, and trust that it is coming from a place of knowledge and understanding.  How often does a birth go exactly the way that a woman planned it?  Not very often.  You want to have someone by your side that you can trust in this highly unpredictable environment, someone that can ask you the right questions, so that you know you are making an informed decision.

3. Connection

Your pregnancy journey should be a magical one, and your doula should only add to the beauty of it. Giving birth is an intimate moment and the last thing you want is to be uncomfortable with the person you’ve chosen to guide and support you on this road. Your birthing doula is someone who is on the same page as you and understands your needs. It should also be someone who you feel a connection with and get along with really well.


Most doulas will have a complimentary intake meeting.  This is the perfect opportunity for you to see if that doula is a good fit for you.  When you have your intake meeting with a doula, ask yourself the following questions:  Do I feel comfortable around her?  Do I feel that she understands me?  Is she answering my questions in a way that makes me feel safe and heard?  

You are allowed to have intake meetings with more than one doula.  You are allowed to say no to someone because something doesn’t feel right.  Listen to your own gut, ask more questions if you need, and remember, in the end, the doula is there to make your birthing experience as beautiful and magical as possible.  So choose the doula that will do that for you.